Things I Learned in High School

I'm gonna say this flat out: I pretty much hated high school. It was not for me. It was not catered to my learning style in any way. The only part of high school I enjoyed was choir and musicals. Besides that, high school was a daily chore for 4 years.

But I did learn a lot about myself and the world around me during that time. I've often been told I'm very mature for my age, which is why I'm writing this post, arrogantly thinking that anyone my age or younger would have anything to learn from it. I just think it' s always good to learn from other peoples' actions so you don't have to do the work for yourself. ;)

SO without further ado, here are some things I learned from high school. 

• Don't be afraid to ask questions. If you don't understand something, speak up. Even if no one else seems confused. Odds are, if you have a question, someone else probably has that same question. If the teacher makes you feel bad about asking a question, they are a jerk. 

• Learn to give and accept compliments. Giving sincere a compliment can be a great ice breaker for meeting new people, and will give off a good impression. If you have a good thought about someone, just share it! You'll brighten their day, and what's bad about that? But even more important, ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS PEOPLE GIVE YOU!! Nothing is more annoying than when you give someone a compliment, and they shove it off with a "oh my gosh no I look so bad today" or "no you're so much prettier than me" or things like that. It makes people not want to compliment you anymore. Be humble and gracious by saying a simple thank you.

• Be the helping hand that is needed. Simple acts of kindness can change someone's day and even life. Being a teenager is really hard. The world doesn't give teenagers enough credit. It's said that about 20% of teens suffer from depression before reaching adulthood, and only 30% of them receive treatment. If someone is struggling with something or just having a bad day, reach out. They might not show it, but they will definitely appreciate it. 

• Don't be afraid to talk to anyone. Most of the people that talk in classes aren't actually best friends, just acquaintances. Most people won't bite you if you try to talk to them. You'll get along with loads of different people you never expected to. Don't judge them on their appearance or your prior prejudices against them. Open your mind to people and put yourself out there. They probably won't become your best friend ever, but at least you'll have a friendly face to talk to in class. 

• Just bee yourself. There are other weirdos out there like you just waiting to be your friend. Promise. If you know me personally, you know that I am WEIRD. But I had lots of friends in high school! You do you and other people will do them and it will be great.    

• Don't overload yourself. You really don't HAVE to take PreAP and AP classes to get into college. I only took them freshman year, and I am going to Utah State University on scholarship. I think high school is about experiencing and growing just as much as it is about learning. Challenging yourself to learn more is important, of course, just make sure you leave room to make friends and memories. Let yourself enjoy the time you have in high school (like i didn't.) 

• Don't judge your worth or value on your popularity. I generally think people are awesome... but high schoolers can be JERKS!! Sometimes, people will decide they don't like you for absolutely no reason at all. It doesn't make sense, but it happens. You might not get a lot of likes on Instagram or followers on Twitter, but who the heck cares??? That's really not what life is about. Treat people well and you will see good outcomes. Don't worry about what they think. (I know it's easier said than done, but just give it a try.)

• Try your best to maintain a good relationship with your parents. When you're in high school, you gradually gain more independence. It's easy to forget that your parents know best. Once you get a license and a job, you start to think that you have it all. But you're gonna miss your parents when you leave for college. You're gonna miss their home-cooked meals and loving advice (AND MONEY). Don't argue with them and listen to them. You want to look back on your time with them with fondness. 

I hope my immature, post-high school advice proved insightful to you. Anyways,

I AM SO HAPPY I GRADUATED!!!! 

I'm out of here y'all, PEACE!

Why I added sleeves to my prom dress

*I just want to explain that I am not trying to be preachy or self-righteous by writing this. I am simply explaining.*

As most of you know, I am a devout Mormon. I was raised in a home that teaches self respect and modesty. Prom dresses don't always scream modesty.. sometimes they scream quite the opposite. Most of my friends of different faiths wore strapless or sleeveless dresses with low cut chest lines. I am not trying to chastise them for their dresses, but merely explain why my dress looked a little different. I even have some LDS friends that wore these types of dresses, which further confuses my non-member friends. So here is why I added sleeves to my prom dress. 

The LDS church does not teach women to hide their bodies or cover up out of shame. It is quite the contrary. We are taught that our mortal bodies are the most precious gifts we receive. To show respect to God for our bodies, we wear modest clothing that is not too revealing. We try not to show excessive cleavage, shoulders, or wear short shorts and skirts. One thing I want to emphasize is that women aren't modest simply for men! Some people try to say that we should be modest so we don't tempt men. This argument always kinda ticked me off. In my opinion, it's a man's choice to be looking at a woman inappropriately. Jesus said if one of your eyes is offending you, cut it out. I think it is a good gesture to dress appropriately because some men may struggle with inappropriate thoughts and feelings, but that is not the sole reason to be modest. But I'm going off on a tangent and that's not the point. I am modest because the Lord has asked me to be. I am so grateful for the body I was given and I am proud of how beautiful it is. To show my gratitude, I will dress modestly. It is also a way to show to others that you are a disciple of Christ. Mainly, being modest invites the Spirit to dwell within you. 

Something that has always confused me about a portion of the Mormon culture is the idea that you can select occasions to be modest. Some girls wear modest clothes all the time but wear a very revealing bathing suit to the pool. The most popular occasions to ditch your standards seem to be homecoming and prom. The For the Strength of Youth pamphlet states, "Never lower your standards of dress. Do not use a special occasion as an excuse to be immodest." 

I bought my beautiful dress when I was in England this summer. The dress was absolutely stunning without sleeves (all it had was thin spaghetti straps). I was really worried that we would ruin it by trying to add sleeves. I repeatedly put it on for almost a full year without the sleeves on. It looked beautiful on me and I felt beautiful in it. But it just wasn't me. I didn't even necessarily feel uncomfortable in it (probably because I only ever put it on in the privacy of my own room). But I had been raised to dress modestly, regardless of the occasion. I'm not sure if my parents would've let me wear it without the sleeves, but I didn't even ask. At the end of the day, it was my decision to make. I decided that I wanted to be modest. I wanted my kids to look back at my senior prom pictures and see that I was modest. I wanted to feel like myself and keep the standards close to my heart on a night when not everyone around me would be making good choices. 

It was so simple to add the sleeves on. Actually, you can ask my mom if it was simple... It looked simple to me. It only took a few sittings to get them just right. 

I felt beautiful and confident all night. I never worried that too much was showing or that something was gonna pop out. I had a wonderful night and I will always look back at those pictures with fondness.

(The sleeves are light to match the dress and I realize that they don't show up extremely well in all the pictures.. which would make this entire post pointless... haha.... it's the thought that counts right?)

I just want to say again that I am not writing this to be preachy or self-righteous or to chastise or scold anyone! I just want to encourage my fellow ladies to be modest all the time to show respect to yourselves and to God. I promise that if you are modest, you will be blessed with the confidence and happiness that you all deserve.

Mom.

Elizabeth. Lizzy. Lizzy Bizzy Woman. Crackhead. Ya Big Freak. We call you so many different names and titles. But there is one title I think you should be proudest of: Mom. 

You sacrificed your free time, career and independence. You gave up your young, fit, perfect body for 4 round, pregnant bellies. You gave away your sanity and gained patience. You gave up the glories of the world for a thankless job. So I'm here to say thank you. Thank you for raising me in a loving household that taught me kindness and goodness. Thank you for dragging me to church even when I didn't have a testimony of my own. Thank you for always holding my hand when I got my blood drawn. Thank you for continuing to give me my shots of medication even though I told you, "every time you stab a needle in my arm, it's like you stab my heart." Thank you for cutting the crust off my sandwiches for years. Thank you for getting up every morning to wake me up (multiple times) for seminary. Thank you for sitting in the study, listening to me pound out notes on the piano for hours. Thank you for encouraging me to keep singing even though I didn't get the solo or part I wanted. Thank you to listening to my songwriting when I only knew four chords on the guitar. Thank you for sitting in the passenger seat when I was a fifteen year old who didn't know how to gradually brake. Thank you for letting me come to you every time I cried, so that I never had to cry alone. Thank you for coming up to my room in the middle of the night, when I told you I was too tired and sad to get out of bed, tickling my back until I fell asleep. Thank you for closing your iPad, taking your reading glasses off, and opening your arms every time I walked in with puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Thank you for loving me unconditionally when I didn't know how to love myself. Thank you for showing me that I had worth and value no matter what. Thank you for teaching me that I had a loving Savior and Father in Heaven. Thank you for making our home a heaven on earth. Thank you for giving up your past life to give me life. Thank you for raising 4 souls who love their parents and siblings dearly. No thanks I give you will ever be enough. I love you so much. You are my best friend. Happy Mother's Day. 

College Announcement

I DIDN'T GET IN TO BYU. Did you hear me? Did I say it loud enough? I DIDN'T GET IN TO THE ESTEEMED BYU. But you know what? It's okay. I was so shocked and sooo sad when I recieved my rejection email. (BTW who sends this crap via email??? Can someone say tacky? Anyways...) My whole family was so shocked because I really should've gotten in. I'm not trying to brag, but my test scores and gpa were so dang far above average. I had a long list of extracirriculars and volunteer work, and we all know I wrote some bomb essays. So yeah, we were shocked. I was thrown for a loop because I had planned on BYU for so long. But I discovered that the Lord had something even better in store for me.

I know the uber-Mormons out there reading this will think I am just trying to make myself feel better. To some of you out there, BYU is literally the only school in the world that exists for Mormons. But guess what? There are other schools besides BYU! BYU is not for everyone!! I wish I had realized that before I suffered the heartbreak of rejection. 

Luckily, I had already applied to Utah State University and been admitted (with a very nice scholarship... just sayin BYU). A mere week after I was rejected from BYU, I got a letter inviting me to USU's "A Day". I was not really ready or excited to think about other schools at the time, but my mom took initiative and signed me up to go visit USU on A Day. My spirits were so low before I went up there. I had no clue what I was going to do with my life. I was so sad that I wouldn't be in Provo with my brother, and only half an hour from my sister in SLC. I couldn't believe the Lord didn't have the same plan as me. I thought it was cruel that He wanted to take me from my family like that.

Then I attended A Day. 

Wow. Wowowowow. I LOVED IT. I loved it like I had never loved a college before! I loved it more than I ever loved BYU. I felt at home. In just one day, I seriously felt at home. I fit in so well. Everyone was so friendly and I made friends in that short time. The vibe there was just so different than BYU. I won't try to put down BYU because I know it's a great school! But it was so obvious to me that USU was a better fit for me than BYU. God knew that. He also knew that I was too stubborn to look at other schools besides BYU. I am SO grateful now that I was rejected from BYU because I know Utah State is the place for me. So if you feel the need to tell me you're "sorry I didn't get in", save it! I don't need to hear it. Because I'm not sorry one bit. 

I know some of you won't believe that, because BYU is "The Lord's school" or whatever it is you people believe... but I don't care. I don't care if you don't believe me because I am so dang happy now. I cannot wait to be up at Utah State! I already have a countdown on my phone for the first day of school. (It's 127 days in case you were wondering..) CRAZY!! I was never one of those girls. I always dreaded the first day of school, and now I am counting down! Who the heck am I?! It's a change but it's a glorious one!! I have a renewed testiomony in the Lord and His plan for all of us. I am so grateful for that.

Well now that I am done with that sappy stuff, here is the good stuff. My pictures from the adventurous weekend in Utah. 

Take a look at that beautiful campus!! Can't wait to call it home. <3

The ever beautiful Logan Temple. Fun fact: My great great great (something) grandpa Marriner W. Merrill was the first temple president there! How neat is that? (That's pretty neat.) So it's nice to know that I have some old family ties to Logan. 

After Logan, I went and stayed in Provo with my best friend Katie Cotton. She and her darling boyfriend (who I'm totally rooting for go Cameron #TeamCameron) took me to the Color Fest at the Radha Krishna temple. It was insane. So much fun. I washed purple out of my hair for a week. Also, thanks to the guy who threw purple in my mouth because I still have two stains on my teeth from that. IT ACTUALLY STAINED MY TEETH. But it was totally worth it. 

I FRICKIN LOVE YOU, KATIE. 

Don't get me wrong, nothing will ever beat a good ole Texas sunset. But I sure do love those Utah sunsets over the mountains. 

So now you know the update on my future. I hope you're as excited as I am for the future!

Man Crush Monday

Today I woke up with a full heart. I am brimming gratitude for the amazing family I have. I find the best way to express my emotions is to write them down, and what better way to do it than to put them out for the whole world to see! I want everyone to know what an incredible family I have. I wish you could all see how generous, loving, accepting, understanding, and just dang amazing they are. 

^My dad meeting his first grandbaby for the first time. Look at the twinkle in his eye! He's so cute. 

However, since it's Monday, I decided to turn my thoughts to my father. I sometimes feel he is under-appreciated because he is gone so much. For those of you who don't know my family personally, my dad is a pilot and spends time abroad. Reading a recent email he sent me from China, I had a heart warming moment where I again realized how incredible of a man he is. The email he sent me enclosed two pictures. The first showed him standing next to a smaller Indian man. My father had told me that he went to eat at this mans restaurant in China. He said there was a section of the restaurant where the man sold Indian jewelry and goods. My father took a look at them to find something to bring to me. (He claims that I pester him to bring me home jewelry and goodies... But that doesn't sound like me.. Does it? Haha.) My dad picked out three bracelets he thought I would like, which ended up being the other picture. My dad went to pay for them, but the man gave them to him as a special gift. My dad had been to his restaurant a few times before, so he considered my dad a friend. I can't help but get teary eyed as I ponder back on this story. It would be one thing if this was a unique or surprising tale.. But it isn't! My dad makes friends everywhere he goes! He has the biggest heart. I have never met a friendlier person. I have never really appreciated that quality of his. In all honesty, it sometimes embarrassed or annoyed me. Anytime we are in public, he talks to the people around us. I try to tell him they don't want to talk to him, but he never needs my advice. I am almost always proven wrong when he makes another friend from a stranger. But boy is he talkative. I have to take a separate car to church because he stays so long afterwards to talk to people. That's when my annoyance comes in. But I've come to realize what an admirable quality that is. He is never biased or judgmental. He has become friends with people of all different ages, size, gender, race, etc. He is so kind and generous.

 I recall a story he once told me about having lunch with a homeless man. The story was very interesting to me for a few reasons. Instead of simply offering the man money, my dad offered to buy him lunch. He then sat across from the man and talked to him while they ate lunch together. My dad said the man had tears in his eyes when he thanked my dad for the lunch. Can you imagine how meaningful it must've been to the man, to sit across from someone and have a normal lunch? I don't know about you, but I personally do not go out of my way to talk to homeless people. I usually just hand them some coins and hurry on my way. But my dad didn't do that. He treats all human beings with equal respect and love. I can't think of what I have done to deserve such an amazing example. I must've done something incredible before I came to this life to deserve this man as my father. 

That is all. Happy Monday.

Sprang Breaakkk

Spring Break is a momentus occasion. The school year always flies by after spring break. It usually goes like this: Spring Break, my birthday (imma be 18!!!!), SUMMER! Which means I am graduating in two and a half months.....??????!?!?!?!?!?!

Anyways, here are some snaps from my spring break. I had a wonderful staycation by exploring my hometown.

My awesome cousins came into town and we partied the Texas way. 

We took them to Reunion Tower in Dallas. 

Ok real quick, did any of you watch the SNL 40th anniversary special?? Well there's a part where Adam Sandler comes in as Opera Man and sings about the reunion and I kept singing " REUNIOOOOOON, REUNION." over and over. Not even kidding I must've sung it a thousand times. Pretty sure my cousins wanted to kill me, but they were good sports. 

The view from the top of Reunion Tower. Dallas is pretty spectacular isn't she?

I <3 my parents. 

And I definitely Texas Texas. 

We spent the rest of the day in Bishop Arts District. If you live in DFW and haven't been there.. uhm HELLO what are you doing??? This is the sign outside of Emporium Pies aka the best pie in the whole dang world. 

Their blueberry pie is named Blue Steel after Zoolander's iconic face which was perfect timing because I found out that day that ZOOLANDER 2 IS IN THE MAKING!!!!!!! Probably the best news I've gotten in a while. I'll post the video of how they announced it below. 

I get the Smooth Operator which is a chocolate pie with pretzel crust. It is by far the best pie I have ever had and I want to cry just thinking about it. 

They give you these adorable little to-go baskets which just adds points in my book. 

Right next door is this awesome music wall which sets the perfect scene for a photo op!

There are so many cute murals and shops and it's just my favorite place ever. I got this adorable romper in a shop called the Laughing Willow and I'm just really excited about it okay?? 

The next day we went to Six Flags which is always a good time. In the morning I was actually cold... which was the weirdest thing ever. I had previously only been to Six Flags in the summer when you feel like you're going to die of a heat stroke so the chilly morning was a pleasant surprise. When the sun came out, it was perfect temperatures all afternoon. I didn't really take any pictures because I was too busy having fun!!! 

I only really took this picture: 

My cousins were making fun of me because apparently I always make this judging scowl face?? (yeah right like I would ever do that) So my cousin Rusty took my sunnies and decided to demonstrate it for me. 

My lovely Grandma Jayne is also in town which is always a treat. 

We finished the week off at Babe's in Roanoke and then sent them on their way back to AZ. I'm sure all of you have been to Babe's because it's a rite of passage and it's actually the best food in Texas this is not a drill. 

Overall, it was a very successful Spring Break. 

P.S. Who's with me that we should get rid of Daylight Savings?? The Spring Forward always kills me and I'm just sick of it. We aren't farmers anymore, can't we just move on???

The part I was talking about starts around 9:30 but if you have the time go ahead and watch the whole thing because it's pure gold. 

They announced Zoolander 2 by having these two goofballs walk in the real Valentino show at Paris Fashion Week!! How insane is that?! I couldn't be more stoked for this movie. They better not let me down. 

I hope you all have a wonderful spring and don't forget my birthday or I will punch you in the face. 

Opening Up

Hello to the five people who read my blog! :)

Today I am going to do a very difficult thing. I am going to break down my personal walls and open up. I am going to show you the feelings that I keep hidden from the world. I have thought about it a lot, and come to the conclusion that someone, somewhere can benefit from my experiences. 

So if you choose to read on, do me a favor: You know how in some cultures, they make you take your shoes off and leave them outside the house before you enter? I am asking you to do that. I am asking you to leave your judgements and previous ideas or perceptions at the door. Please open your hearts and minds to the subject I am bringing up. I will be writing about it frequently, because I have many things to say on it. If you have negative comments, please keep them to yourself. 

I'm going to talk to you about the D word. 

Not death, or dope, or anything like that.

My D word is Depression. A word that can turn easy-going conversations into awkward moments. A word that seems to stop people in their tracks when spoken. A word that can make someone seem suddenly unreachable, unapproachable, and unknown.
Depression is something I have struggled with for years. This may come as a shock to some of you who know me, seeing as I have been very good at hiding it. Others may have clued in on it but have not spoken up. I hid it from my parents and family for years because I was ashamed of my feelings and afraid of the results and backlash. My parents have only known about it since around May of 2014 (I want to make it clear right now that it was never my parents treatment that made me afraid to speak out. They have been loving and supportive 100% of the time). I felt it was something I had to hide. That is exactly what made me want to speak out about it. I am tired of the stigma that comes with mental health issues. I am tired of feeling like I have to hide something that has been such a big part of my life. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once said that "there should be no more shame in acknowledging [mental health issues] than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor." When I first heard that, I realized that something had to change. So here I am, taking the first step to change my personal world, and hopefully the world around me.

People made me feel guilty for being depressed. Like I said earlier, it was never my family! But friends and others around me. They told me how blessed and fortunate I was to have a loving family, sound finances, good friends, talents, etc. Nobody could see any logical reason why I was depressed. And quite frankly, I couldn't either. So I guilted myself into a state of self-loathing. I viewed myself as a spoiled brat who was ungrateful and undeserving of anything. But that was obviously not true! I have always been so grateful for my many blessings! But depression is not about gratitude. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain! You can cure some depression with counseling and therapy, but many cases require medication. It is a physical ailment as much as it is a mental one. I think many people do not understand that. 

I read a quote on Facebook today that was extremely relatable: 
“Others imply that they know what it is like to be depressed because they have gone through a divorce, lost a job, or broken up with someone. But these experiences carry with them feelings. Depression, instead, is flat, hollow, and unendurable. It is also tiresome. People cannot abide being around you when you are depressed. They might think that they ought to, and they might even try, but you know and they know that you are tedious beyond belief: you are irritable and paranoid and humorless and lifeless and critical and demanding and no reassurance is ever enough. You're frightened, and you're frightening, and you're "not at all like yourself but will be soon," but you know you won't.” 
― Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

For too long, I have withstood people's ludicrous suggestions to simply "focus on the positive" or "think about something else" or to "get over it". While those are wonderful suggestions to some teeny bopper girl going through her first breakup, they are completely unhelpful to someone suffering from depression. I cannot express to you what it is like to see that you have every reason to be happy, and yet feel a resounding sadness to your very core. I can't explain to you the feeling of gratitude for all your blessings, along with a feeling of deep unworthiness and self loathing. I can't tell you how terrifying it is to feel so miserable for unseen reasons. To feel like you have no hope, no drive or motivation to live another day. I can't tell you how terrifying it is to realize that the person who doesn't want you to live is the same person you see in the mirror. To realize that the enemy is yourself. I am not asking you to understand depression, because you never fully will if you have not experienced it. I am not asking you to understand it, I am simply asking you all to accept it as a real thing. 

I am not writing this for attention, or to cause people to worry about me. I am in a very good place with my depression right now, so I feel comfortable sharing these things. I am simply writing this to spread awareness and truth about the realness of depression. I want to change how the world views depression. I will write much, much more about the topic soon. But for now, I would love to hear your feedback! 
Thanks for reading. Peace and bahlessings.