Selflessness

^Here's a pic of me being selfless my holding a baby. Boom.

I'm a thinker. And I don't mean that as a compliment to myself. I mean that my brain is like a non-stop hamster wheel, constantly in fast motion. My brain is especially active late at night, when I'm trying to go to bed. (It's also especially inactive when I get up for seminary but thats irrelevant..) If you've noticed the bags I have under my eyes this week, I'm going to give you an explanation. 

I've come to the realization that I am a very selfish person.

I am not throwing a pity party, but rather pointing out room for improvement. Selfishness has always been a hard line for me to toe. It is hard to find the perfect balance between proper self care and self absorption. 

I try to help my fellow humans when I see they are in need, but in general my thoughts revolve around me, myself and I. I lie awake in bed counting the things that are wrong with me. Or the things that I don't like about my life.  I fantasize about my future life, my future love, and my future successes. I spend so much time worrying about it. Most nights, I go to bed unhappy and unsettled from thinking about myself. And when I say unhappy, I mean like in tears, curled up in a ball unhappy. 

But I have been trying something different. This new year, I decided to devote more of my time to study the gospel (a resolution I make nearly every year). My family reads the D&C chapters together for seminary. I also made it my personal goal to read the Book of Mormon every night, as well as one conference talk a night. Each night is a hit or miss. I have to deal with the fatigue of school schedule, musical rehearsals, and complications of an autoimmune disease. Sometimes I am just too tired to read. But I'm never too tired to think about myself before I go to sleep.

So when I'm lying awake thinking about myself, I turn my lamp back on and get my scriptures out. The scriptures help to take my mind off myself. And you know what? I go to bed happy. I go to bed peaceful. I might still think about myself, but they are hopeful thoughts of the temple, a mission, service, etc. And then when I wake up, I find it easier to talk to people I wouldn't normally talk to, or notice more people who are in need of service. I am more involved in helping others and doing good things with my time, and it makes me a lot happier. Isn't it weird how selflessness makes you feel better about yourself? This nightly routine of study also makes me happier throughout the day. I was noticing increased happiness this last week especially. There was one day where things just weren't going right. I received a string of comments from some friends that weren't the nicest. Normally, I would've taken those comments poorly, and isolated myself for the rest of the day. But that day, I brushed them off and kept smiling and participating in the conversation. I didn't let a little thing ruin my whole day. The connection between my happiness and my nightly studies is undeniable. When I spend less time thinking about myself, I am happier.
But I still slip up. And I am still an incredibly selfish person. But at least I'm working on it!
I challenge all of you to spend a little less time thinking about yourself, and a little more time helping others. Set aside time to read the scriptures and conference talks. It really will give you insight on living a happier life. Please accept this hypocritical challenge from a completely selfish person. Peace and Bahlessings.

Christmas Thoughts

As a Mormon, one of the most frequent questions I get asked is, "Why do Mormons have missionaries?" Many people don't understand why we would give up a year and a half to two years of our lives to walk or bike around in silly suits and dresses. Some people even approach me, offended by the prospect of us trying to "convert" people. They think that we believe we are better than people because of our church, or that we are trying to force our beliefs upon others.

Today during church we sang "O Holy Night", one of my favorite Christmas songs. While singing, I discovered the perfect explanation for why we serve missions. 

I am always particularly struck by the third verse. 

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

This verse always brings tears to my eyes. The Gospel of Christ is love. We celebrate Christmas because of two of the greatests acts of love to ever happen. John 3:16 states "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but haveeverlasting life."  God sent His son to earth for us.Christ died for us because he loved us. He taught us to love every person. His law is love. 

The third and fourth line also made me think of a discussion I once had with my mother. We were talking about what caused the Jews to reject Jesus as their Savior. My mom made the point that they were searching for someone to end their physical bondage. But the bondage that Christ frees us from is our spiritual bondage, He frees us from our sins and he frees us from the chains of death. 

But this thought crossed my mind: If we all followed Christ's teachings, there would be no oppression, no bondage, no wars or contentions, no murders or crimes. Even though Christ didn't phsyically and directly free the Jews from their physical bondage, He provided a way for them to be freed. 

Christ taught us love and peace. His love brings us the comfort and joy that nothing else on this earth can.

That is why we serve missions. That's why I plan to serve a mission when I turn 19.

I have always been an extremely empathetic person. When I was little, I would lay in bed crying because of something I saw on the news. I would cry if I saw an old man eating lunch all by himself. I have always had a love for everyone in the world. Because I love people, I want to help everyone that I can. This is what motivates me to serve a misson- the prospect to bring peace and happiness to people.
One of my friends who is not a member recently began taking lessons with the missionaries. She has been a Christian all her life and is happy with her religion. But she said something that I thought was amazing. She said that she was very comfortable with her church and her life, but if God wanted her to have more, she wanted it. She wanted to recieve all that God had in store for her. We as Mormons know that there are many wondrful churches out there that teach of Christ. However, we believe we have the fullness of His gospel. We want everyone know know of all that God has given us.

When we serve missions, we don't get any kind of credit with the church. We don't have any personal gain whatsoever. We do it for the sole purpose of bringing the hearts of men to Christ and giving them the fullness of His gospel. 

This week, as you all hurry to buy last minute presents and such, I challenge you to stop and think about Christ and His love. Try and spread that love to the people you come across. This can be as simple as smiling at a passing stranger, or complimenting a friend who seems down, I want to leave you with this video that inspired me. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and pray you all feel Christ's love for you this week. 

Edinburgh

Two days ago, I returned from the best trip of my life so far. I went with my choir to the United Kingdom. It was maaaaagical. So magical. I took so many pictures because everything was so picturesque and photogenic. It was also especially cool for me since about half of my ancestors came from England and Scotland. It felt almost like going home.. except not really because I love America so dang much and it will always be my home. But ya know, Britain is super cool too. I like to think of it as "Pre America". That's not offensive... right?

We flew straight from America into Edinburgh, Scotland. I know my photos just don't do it justice because they are all crappy iphone pictures. Scotland, please forgive me. I did the best I could.

Edinburgh Castle in all her glory.

The street in front of the castle (that's totally what it says on the street sign..)

Pretty streets in Edinburgh. 

Our first pub experience! I had cottage pie and let me tell you... It was delicious. I had heard so many rumors about British food being bland and gross. That was not my experience at all. Everything I had was amazing! 

This is the beautiful cathedral we sang in! We had a total of 4 concerts. It was the coolest thing ever. One thing I love about music is that it's so universal. People all over the world love it! Music can take you incredible places. 

Here is our poster on the church bulletin! Note my creepy face reflecting on the glass. 

My beautiful friend Jordan and me in front of the cathedral. She is crazy.. and I am crazy.... So of course, we had a jolly good time. Hehe. And just in case you are wondering, yes. The bottom of my hair is purple. #YOLO. (Oh no kill me did I really just use that?????)

The birthplace of Harry Potter. This is where J.K. Rowling sat and wrote the first book. AHHHH. 

Everything was just breathtaking. 

One more look at the castle in all her glory. 

I know this had a lot of pictures. Brace yourselves because the was only the first day. .....It was a 9 day trip. I hope you enjoyed my little view of Edinburgh!